way #1: they don't rub embarrassing moments in your face

Several weeks ago I was sitting down to play a game with my students on the rug. Our math curriculum is heavily reliant on games to reinforce fact practice, so I try to incorporate game time into our math block several times a week. That day we were playing a rousing round of number top it, in which the two players draw cards one by one from the deck and try to make the largest seven digit number they can.

I enjoy playing with the kids, as it allows me to both bond with the students as well as cream them with my superior math skills. (If you judge me, you obviously don't have children) About half way through playing our third round of number top it, I looked down in my lap and caught a glimpse of leopard print. I did a double take.

Perhaps now is the time to insert some background information. I own a chihuahua who, alongside keeping me company and outpacing me on my training runs, also has a bad habit of chewing on things, specifically crotches of things. And by things I mean pants.

The screech I let out was about as subtle as the half dollar shaped hole in the middle of the crotch of my pants. It definitely did little in the way of drawing attention away from this obvious humiliation. However, I did my best to "discretely" pull my shirt, which was mercifully long, over the hole and play it cool hoping the three nine year old boys had not spent the last ten minutes of our playing number top it looking at my pants... or what was left of them.

I had to make a decision, to play off the whole situation and hope that, despite it being 1:30 in the afternoon and school having been in session for five hours of learning, squatting, and yoga-styled sitting, maybe none of the students had noticed. Or I could address the situation head on and grab the bull by the balls, so to speak, announcing that I was aware there was a hole in my crotch, and own it.

I definitely tried to play it off and prayed to God that none of my students had noticed.

Unfortunately while letting the students clean up from math, I heard snippets of conversation that made me feel pretty confident that they all knew.

"Well... no one's gonna tell her!!"

And there were the sideways looks and smirks that made it a safe bet that the students not only knew what had happened, but were one recess break away from spreading the news school-wide. It's incredible that whether as a third grader, or a third grade teacher, no one is immune from the school gossip chain.

Yeah, it was embarrassing. Yes, I screamed about it on the phone with my friend immediately following dismissal. Of course I made extra sure to keep my legs closed and shirt pulled down. But the good thing is that I didn't receive any phone calls from parents, demanding to know why their child is talking about the pattern of my panties. The kids were cool enough to keep it between us, which is pretty decent.

Also, I threw away the pants.