Reason#14 They Change Your Mind

It's two and a half days before spring break and my students are driving me crazy. Correction, some of my students are driving me crazy. Correction, Carter is driving me crazy. All year long we have been working diligently with Carter. He has received pull out support services, after school tutoring, before school tutoring, lunch time tutoring. I conference with him in reading twice as often as everyone else. Despite all this, he still is not moving in reading. This probably has something to do with the fact that when he is not getting one-on-one support he is coloring, staring out the window, talking to a neighbor, digging through his desk, taking off his shoes, leaning backward in his chair, trying to check out new books, trying to go to the bathroom, and/or trying to do anything that isn't reading. This is irritating on its own, but also because it shows a distinct lack of gratitude for all the incredible ways that I am being such an awesome teacher by going above and beyond to meet his needs. (Yes, I can be this petty.)

I get it. We have had some very tearful conversations together in which he has confessed his humiliation about the fact that he struggles with reading. I've tried being the good cop who smiles, encourages every effort, and celebrates every progress. I often default to bad cop and take away his recess, other privileges, and remind him that he needs to pass more reading tests to pass the grade. There has been progress, but considering the support, it has been minimal.

Meanwhile, Carter has been stealing things from my classroom, lying about stealing, harassing other students, CONSTANTLY talking, and of course, avoiding work. The regular blog readers may also remember him for his previous antics of punching another student in the stomach for writing a "bully ticket" about him. For those of you who are the diagnosing type--I know. It's work avoidance and stems from a lot of social emotion problems about which I can most often be very compassionate and understanding. But it's also so annoying. Especially two and a half days before a much needed break from one another.

In an effort to engage him in work yet again, I decided to invite him and a friend to game time on Wednesdays. Every Wednesday we are now playing games together during lunch. Having received an awesome Donor's Choose Grant, I now have thirty board games in my classroom that allow students to practice reading, science, and math skills with almost every game that Lakeshore Learning provides. The grant is incredible, but I digress. Carter and his friend came up today to play the word blending game, Tiki Challenge. As I was pulling out the board game, Carter said to me, "Ms. Swanson, you're the best teacher ever."

OK, I'm a primary teacher and we hear these things a lot. In fact, I have at least six cards taped to my wall right now that share a similar sentiment. It's sweet, but most often fleeting. Carter's friend kind of snickered, so I said back, "Why, because I let you play games during lunch."

"No, Ms. Swanson, because you care about me. You're like my mother is to me. You're like my mom."

It's moments like that when the fatigue and stress of a busy month intersect with the weighty and sacred responsibility of helping to shape a child's life. And I realize just how lucky I am to have Carter in my classroom. Even when he refuses to do his work and instead swings his arms around until someone near him gets stabbed with his pencil. Today I got a reality check and Carter changed my mind.

And for the record, my students are like my children to me. Even the Carters.

Reason #13 They Have Innovative Ideas

My class has a problem with bullying. I feel a little ashamed to admit that on such a public forum, as teachers are often only seen as effective when they can manage their students, and this indicates a deficit in my management. Also, I have written some flowery posts about their care and concern for one another. That's all true. Also, some of them are absolutely hateful toward one another. That's also true.

Sometimes the bullying is small, like laughing at another student every time they make a mistake. However, one of my students with special needs had started going home and telling her mother she didn't want to go to school anymore. That broke my heart. I pride my classroom as being one that students want to come to each day, and take great measures to make it a friendly and supportive atmosphere. So several weeks ago I called an emergency class meeting. Something had to be done about our bullying problem.

We sat around our meeting rug and shared times that we had felt bullied or teased. Then I asked the students how they felt we should deal with this problem in our classroom. Malika got up to take notes on the white board, and the students started brainstorming various ideas.

"What if we made posters that reminded us not to bully?"
"We could have a petition and people could sign up not to bully."
"We could have conversations with the person who is being a bully."
"What if we had a bully ticket and we could give it to people who are acting like bullies?"

That night I started to put their plans into action. I went to the library and checked out twenty books about bullying (plug here that the library is AWESOME!) Then I went to Staples and got poster supplies and twenty mini clip boards for all my students. The next day, we had a working afternoon, planning out our anti-bully campaign. One group worked on posters, another designed the bully ticket. A third group made a petition, and the final group decided to make "Caught Doing Right" tickets to recognize good behavior. Everyone decorated their clip boards that they could carry everywhere, fully stocked with their Bully Tickets and Caught Doing Right tickets. Since markers, foam stickers, and clip boards were involved, the activity was a raging success. But would this decrease bullying?

After a week of collecting tickets we sat down the next Friday to discuss the bully tickets. The students decided they wanted names of people receiving the tickets to be read, but not their behaviors or who had given the bully tickets. Then we would talk to the people who were having the biggest issues. After reading off close to 100 Bully Tickets, we had our two culprits: David and Andrew. Andrew was particularly distraught hearing his name so many times, so we started with him.

Andrew called on students to give him suggestions of how he could make sure that his name wasn't on Bully Tickets the following weeks.

"I think people would like it if you didn't talk about their families."
"Maybe you shouldn't make inappropriate gestures toward me."
"Probably you shouldn't use bad words."

It was a hard lesson in constructive criticism, but overall Andrew took it like a champ. It was followed by compliments of things we like about Andrew, of which there were many. I was so impressed with my students' articulation, thoughtfulness, and maturity in handling the situation. Also, those 100 Bully Tickets represented 100 less times that someone came up to me to tattle, so at least in my eyes, my students had come up with great ideas, taken ownership, and been truly successful.

Andrew learned a lesson, too. Going back to his seat I overheard him saying to himself, "My mom always told me that my mouth would get me in trouble some day, and boy was she right!"

We have all learned some good lessons in our class. There's still some bullying, but having a method to deal with it when it happens has helped give agency to my students and eliminated some of the unnecessary bullying. Sure, it's not perfect and Carter punched Joe in the stomach when he started writing a bully ticket about him, but hey, we're making progress.